


Free Falling

by minimalistdreamer



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Depressed Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Depression, Major Character Injury, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, one-sided reveal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2020-09-26 14:20:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20391100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minimalistdreamer/pseuds/minimalistdreamer
Summary: "Marinette!" Alya cried out, rushing forward.Marinette turned just in time to see Alya and reach her hand out to her before she fell.__Songfic: inspired by the song, "Listen before i go"Updated sporadically- fic is not abandoned





	1. Chapter 1

The sky was still dark, as it was in the early hours of the morning which Marinette woke. However, no matter the hour, Paris was thrumming with lights. She stood on her balcony, knuckles white as she clutched the railing like it was her lifeline - as if she would tumble to the pavement below if she let go. So she only clutched tighter, the edges digging into the soft skin on her palms. It didn't seem to be noticed, whether that was because of her countless times of pricking herself with a needle, or her many adventures of Ladybug, or perhaps the chill of the air has numbed her; though it mattered not, as she was still standing still - staring at the city. 

Marinette herself wore little, only a thin t-shirt and pajama pants to shield her from the bite of the cold. Though it mattered not, as her mind was foggy and it seemed she could not form a coherent thought. The thoughts she did have were like whispers, trying to speak to her from the back of her mind, floating away if she tried to reach for them. It was okay, she learned how to ignore them. To shove the whispers into the crevices of her mind, so they couldn't tell her how much of a mistake she was making. Marinette liked the fogginess more. It was better than being empty, having the gaping hole in her chest that made her gasp for breath, trying to fill it with air so it wouldn't make her cave into herself.

However, there was one voice of reason that she could not get rid of. Tikki. Fortunately, Tikki was sleeping peacefully on Marinette's pillow. Snug as a bug in a rug, unaware of what her chosen one was doing. The Ladybug Earrings were still in Marinette's ears, as she could not find the strength before to part with them. But now it didn't matter. None of it did.

Marinette looked down at the cobblestone, the edges of the railing now digging into her stomach as well as her palms, cold as ice. In another world, it would have reminded her of an akumized victim, though in this one, Marinette only felt the cold through the cotton. The cobblestone seemed to mock her, begging her to draw closer, to show the world how brave she actually was. She was pulled into the bait, fingers coming off the railing one at a time-

"Marinette?" A soft voice emitted from behind her. Marinette turned, fingers coming down once again to clutch the icy railing. It was Tikki, her glowing body floating above the open trapdoor. She must have accidentally let it open, too caught up in her lack of thoughts to notice.

"Yes?" Marinette stepped away from the balcony, right hand letting go of the railing with hesitation, as if afraid that if it let go, it would not be able to return. But Marinette continued to move away from the edge and towards Tikki. 

"Is everything alright? You are up really early." Tikki's large - almost cartoony - eyes looked at Marinette with worry and Marinette felt sick. She cleared her throat and tried not to think of the countless times she's been up on the balcony, staring at the cobblestone without Tikki's knowledge. She couldn't tell if her cheeks were red from the cold or from the embarrassment of being caught. 

"Yeah," Marinette's fingers scratched the back of her hand as she spoke, "just couldn't sleep." Tikki nodded.

"Let's go inside and get you back to sleep," Tikki suggested and flew back inside. Marinette followed, still scratching her hand. She climbed down and closed the trapdoor behind her. 

\--

Marinette woke to darkness, her phone reading 4 a.m. Her throat was dry and eyes puffy. The blanket was pushed back as she sat up rolled off her bed. She stumbled through the darkness to the sink that laid on the other side of her room, leaving the room dark. She turned on the tap, cringing at the noise. The water was cold and made her wince as she splashed it on herself.

The dream that she had floated away like a wisp of wind, leaving only the feeling of sadness and loneliness. The empty feeling in her chest as been carved out, despite her greatest efforts to ignore it. It was now eating away at her, making it hard to breathe. Marinette looked up at her mirror, stared at her eyebags and hollowed cheeks. She can't remember the last time she ate, her body now eating away at her muscles, making it hard to do anything besides walk. She was weak. Too weak to be Ladybug. Too weak to be her parents' daughter. Too weak to be Marinette.

Her hands went up to caress her cheek before pulling at the skin; leaving nail marks on the skin. Her eyes began to fill up with unshed tears, making her vision watery and her throat clogged. She was so _weak._ She was too weak to be the guardian. Master Fu made a mistake. She couldn't do it she _couldn't do it._ Alya should have become Ladybug as Marinette wanted. Instead, she became Ladybug. And look how far that got her. Crying like a wimp in her room at 4 a.m. because she couldn't find any strength to live anymore.

Marinette knelt down, still crying, as she fumbled through the containers that laid under her sink. Though it was only her medication, she's gathered quite a lot. She placed each bottle on the counter and opened them up, unshed tears now flowing freely down her cheeks. The pills will help her, they will give her the strength to do what she needed to do. 

She took the pills two at a time, not even caring enough to use water to wash them down. She didn't deserve it. 

Marinette leaned forward, hands on the edges of the marble sink. She looked up at herself once more before walking over to her sewing area. She opened her drawer to grab a paper and pen, writing in darkness as she didn't want to wake up Tikki again. The pen scribbled across the lined page, Marinette only able to see from the street light outside her window. Her tears have mostly dried up, but the remaining dripped down, staining the paper. She signed the note as Ladybug, her cursive matching her signatures on all her designs. 

She grabbed the miraculous box and placed it on her desk. She then grabbed the note and placed it on top. Marinette looked back up to her bed, where she could hear Tikki's soft snores and took off her earrings. Tikki wouldn't disappear, as Marinette wasn't revoking Ladybug, but she left the earrings with the rest. Tikki would need to bring Chat Noir here to take the miraculous box anyway. 

The trapdoor to downstairs was thankfully silent, and her socks masked the noise of her walking down the steps. Marinette slipped on her shoes and opened the door that would lead outside. Her parents were most likely baking and getting ready for the day, so Marinette was able to walk out easily. She made no move to cover herself with anything to block the chill. The pills seemed to empty all her thoughts, making her head buzz and limbs numb. 

Without realizing it, Marinette has found herself in front of the Eiffel Tower. She starred up at the top, eyes squinted as she looked at the bright light that was always shining to make sure no planes flew into it. It was closed, but Marinette could easily bypass the guards, and that she did. She huffed and puffed as she walked up the stairs. The increasing altitude did nothing only adding to the cold, but Marinette didn't care. She finally made her way as high as she could without turning into Ladybug, and she looked out into the city once more. Her hands were shaking, though she was unaware if it was from the cold or something else. Her whole body was shaking actually, her cheeks so numb she didn't realize that her tears were streaming down her face.

Her hands fumbled for her phone that she thankfully shoved into her pocket. It took a while to get her password, her fingers' precision not precise enough to type in her password correctly, though eventually, she got it. She immediately swiped to contacts and clicked on ALYA. Marinette didn't know why she wouldn't call her parents or Adrien (to confess), or someone else, but she just needed to hear her voice. To hear her best friend's voice before she died.

Her phone rang for a bit, which was unsurprising, as it was around 4 a.m., but Marinette didn't hang up with the fear that if she did, she wouldn't try again. The line clicked, and Alya picked up.

"Hello?"Alya asked, voice groggy. Marinette swallowed before answering.

"Hey, Alya."

* * *

Tikki woke up to silence. This was extremely unusual as Marinette was a snorer, but the air was still. There was a feeling in her chest, a feeling that something was wrong. As Tikki always followed her gut feelings, she flew up and around, looking for Marinette. She first checked the balcony, because that is where she found Marinette earlier, but it was just empty and cold. So Tikki phased back inside and flew around the bedroom. She noticed the miraculous box out on the desk, which was unusual as Marinette always kept it hidden, so no one would find it.

Tikki flew over and spotted the note. She read it, nonexistent eyebrows furrowing more and more as the note continued. In the end, she gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. She couldn't' believe it. Just then, Tikki looked over and spotted the Ladybug Earrings. That made it real, Marinette was in danger. She needed to get Chat Noir. 

\--

Tikki folded the note quickly and grabbed it with both of her hands. She flew outside quickly, staying to the shadows just in case, she didn't want to be caught by Hawkmoth. 

Soon, though not as soon as she would have liked, Tikki made it to Adrien Agreste's house. As she read the note, she couldn't phase through the glass windows, so she was stuck knocking on the windows until Plagg or Adrien woke.

Thankfully, Plagg was a light sleeper so he woke quickly. Groaning, he floated up, looking around for what woke him. Seeing Tikki, he zoomed over.

"What's wrong?" Tikki held up the note. He nodded and opened the window. Tikki flew in and up to Plagg. Before he could speak, Tikki told him to wake Adrien.

"I need his help," was all she said. 

* * *

"Marinette?" Alya asked voice muffled either by the phone or her pillow, Marinette didn't know, "Is everything alright?" Marinette nodded before realizing that Alya couldn't see her.

"Yeah," she swallowed, "I just wanted to talk to you." She walked up to the railing and climbed over to sit on it. The phone not holding her phone clutched the railing. 

"Talk?" Alya's voice sounded confused, "Talk about what? Girl, it's 4 am. You're never up this early. Really, what's going on?" Marinette stared at the horizon. She took a shuddering breath and started to cry.

"Marinette?" Alya began to panic, "Are you okay?" 

"No," Marinette sobbed, the hole in her chest carving out her heart, making herself cave in on herself, she was just a husk that was sobbing to its best friend, "I can't anymore Alya. I just can't." Alya seemed to wake up real fast at that. 

"Where are you?" She asked. 

"The Effiel Tower," She sobbed, the grip on her phone slipping, "Alya-" she cried once more before she dropped it. It shattered on the pavement below. Marinette stared at it and cried, alone at the top of the Effiel Tower. 

* * *

Adrien covered his ears with his hands.

"Not now Plagg, it's too early for cheese," he groaned, rolling so that his back was facing the two kwami. Tikki went over to the other side and tapped his cheek.

"Chat Noir," she said, "Ladybug needs your help." Adrien opened his eyes and shot up.

"What?" Plagg sighed and flew up to poke Adrien on the nose.

"Tikki came here because Ladybug's in trouble," he flipped upside down, "but she wouldn't tell me what was wrong until you woke up." Tikki flew up next to Plagg.

"I woke up this morning to this," Tikki thrust out a folded piece of paper to him. Adrien took it and opened it up.

"Its a letter," he observed.

"Read it out loud!" Plagg interjected. Adrien sighed but complied. 

"_Dear Tikki, I am very sorry for what I have done and about to do. I knew from the beginning that I was not right for the job, that someone else would be better. I hope you can see that now I was correct. Master Fu did not make a lot of mistakes, but he did with me." _Adrien furrowed his eyebrows, _"__Please lead Chat Noir back to the guardian box, I don't think that my secret identity will matter anymore,"_

"What does that mean?" Plagg interrupted. Tikki shushed him, allowing Adrien to continue.

"_I__ leave Chat as the new guardian, and I trust him to find the new Ladybug. Someone who deserves it. I love you very much. Nothing that is about to happen is your fault. Sincerely, Ladybug." _Adrien swallowed at the end, looking up to Tikki and Plagg, his nail traced one of the many tear stains. This only smudging the word _love._

"Is this what I think it is?" He asked, voice small. Tikki's eyes were sad as she nodded.

"She was acting strangely for a while, I just thought-" She choked on her words, starting to cry softly. The letter fluttered to the floor as Adrien stood up, determined. 

"I have to find her," he cleared his throat, "Plagg, claws out!"

* * *

Alya ran, sneakers still untied, hair tangled, and only in shorts and a t-shirt. She raced down the streets of Paris, heart pounding and legs burning, but she didn't dare stop. Finally, she made it to the Eiffel Tower. Marinette was only a figure at the top, but it was all the encouragement Alya needed. She ran past the phone smashed on the pavement and past the guards, not caring if they saw her or not

Her thumb jammed the button on the elevator repeatedly, cheeks red and forehead shiny with sweat. 

"C'mon," she muttered, desperate, "C'mon." Finally, the doors opened and she rushed inside. Alya clicked the button for the top floor and wiped her eyes. She needed to compose herself, or she won't do Marinette any good. 

The elevator moved up to the top, and Alya rushed out just in time to see Marinette raise her arms to her sides, hands reaching either side of the tower. She leaned towards the edge.

"Marinette!" Alya cried out, rushing forward. Marinette turned just in time to see Alya and reach her hand out to her before she fell.

* * *

Chat Noir ran on the rooftops, looking around for Ladybug. Tikki was unable to say her chosen's name, so Chat was looking for anyone who lingered on the Paris streets at 5 a.m. She flew next to him, eyes scanning around. His baton pinged and opened it up, still running. _Akuma Alert - Eiffel Tower, _lit up on his screen. Chat Noir changed his direction and ran towards the Eiffel Tower.

* * *

Alya jumped forward and grabbed Marinette's wrist through the bars. Her body was pressed against the bars with her arm - that was probably dislocated - the only thing that was keeping Marinette from falling to her death.

"Marinette," she sobbed, "don't do this." She wiggled her other arm through the bars and grabbed Marinette's wrist. Marinette looked up to her with watery eyes.

"The only way is down." She whispered, the words barely making to Alya's ears before being carried away from the wind. Alya shook her head, her tears making it difficult to see properly.

"You're my best friend, I love you!" Alya continued to cry, only gripping harder to Marinette's wrist. Marinette swallowed and slowly reached toward Alya with her other hand.

Alya started to cry with relief. 

"Tell everyone I love them, that I'm sorry." Marinette used her other hand to twist Alya's, probably spraining it, making her let go of Marinette.

"Adieu," Marinette spoke as Alya's fingers slipped. Adieu, a final farewell. 

"Marinette!" Alya screamed, hands reaching out as Marinette fell. 

* * *

Chat Noir ran as fast as he could to the Eiffel Tower. He was crossing the bridge, able to see a girl holding onto another girl, preventing her from falling to her death. The one who was about to fall must be Ladybug.

"Just a few more seconds." He said, praying that Ladybug could hold on for a bit more, but his prayer wasn't answered. Ladybug fell and Chat Noir used his baton to propel him forward. He grabbed Ladybug before she hit the ground.

* * *

* * *

**okay, for this story, I am followi** **ng the concept art of Marinette and her room and stuff. if you want to know why:**

[the reason why](https://princesszparkles.tumblr.com/post/185984016407/marinette-whitewashed)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya. this is part two of the rewritten story. also, for this story - i am using Marinette's concept art for her char and room, just because i think they white-washed her and the original concept art is more realistic for a biracial teenager. thanks.

Chat Noir rolled, using his body to shield Ladybug from the fall. Hopefully, his magical catsuit would take most of the damage, allowing him and Ladybug to have little to damage. 

"Oh, shit," he groaned from his place on his back. Pebbles dug into his sides, only adding to the dull ache that made its way up to his chest, where pain thrummed under his skin. Ladybug was on top of him, her black hair shifting by his heavy breath. Her face was still hidden, pressed against his chest. 

Paramedics rushed up and grabbed her quickly from his, grasping her thin limbs and carrying her away, to an ambulance. He never saw her face, he never saw his lady. With the pain in his chest and shock of what happened, Chat couldn't decipher whether that was good or bad. His breathing turned rapid as he stood. Another paramedic offered him a shock blanket, but he waved them off. He was fine, he was fine, he was _fine-_

<strike>he wasn't fine.</strike>

Alya stood off to the side, wrapped in a shock blanket. Even by a distance, Chat could see her puffy eyes. He made his way over, hoping that the pain in his chest will fade if he moved. It didn't, but he tried to make it look like he was fine. 

"Hey," he said - voice small. It was hard to be his normal, happy self when the love of his life just attempted to throw herself off the Eiffel Tower. 

"Hi," she replied - voice equally as small. They stood in silence, just watching the red and blue lights of the police cars and the ambulances light the air. The ambulance hurried off to the hospital, sirens blasting. The police cars soon followed. Alya eventually left, her parents showing up after they discovered she was gone from her bedroom. 

"Come on," they said, holding on her shoulders as they led her into the car, "you can miss school today."

School, Chat has forgotten. He had to get back to his own house soon, as it was nearing 5:30 a.m, and Nathalie always woke him up at 6.

But he just stood there, eyes brimming with unshed tears until finally, he pulled away. The need to stop the pain in his chest too much. 

* * *

_rrriiinnngg_

The phone rang up in the kitchen. Sabrine and Tom were finishing up with their morning batches. 

"Marinette!" Tom called out, voice booming up to the apartment and into Marinette's bedroom, "Could you get that for us?" 

There was no answer. 

"Marinette?" Sabine called up, it was still early, but she usually would have woken up by her father's yelling. She sighed and ceased kneading the dough.

"I'll go pick it up," she said, cleaning her hands with a towel, "then I'll go wake up Marinette." Tom nodded as he resumed mixing up some cream cheese frosting. Sabrine walked up to the apartment and into the kitchen and living room. The home phone sat on the wall, still ringing. She picked it up and pressed the speaker to her ear, twisting the cord around her finger. 

"Hello?" she asked into the phone.

"Hello, is this the Dupain-Cheng residence?" The voice asked, its voice unusually smooth. Sabrine furrowed her eyebrows.

"Yes? May I ask who's speaking?" 

"My name is Giselle Clementine, I work at the Trousseau Hosptial, your daughter, Marinette-" 

"Marinette?" Sabrine interrupted, "What's wrong with Marinette?" The cord was clutched tightly in her hand, knuckles white. 

"Marinette was involved in an accident where she attempted to throw herself off the top of the Eiffel Tower around 4:30 this morning.." The rest was white noise as a sob bubbled up in Sabrine's throat. 

"She is in urgent care right now, and that is all the information we have. Have a good day." The phone line went dead. Sabrine dropped the phone, it swinging lazily on its cord and ran to the stairs. 

"Tom!" She called, voice desperate.

* * *

Adrien dragged his way into the school, eyebags present under his eyes and hair a mess. Nathalie thoroughly chewed him out in the car for his less than an ideal presentation, but Adrien simply zoned out. Nothing mattered, except Ladybug. 

He flopped down in his seat, hands immediately going to running his hands through his already messed up hair. Thankfully, the rest of the students were lingering outside, so Adrien was alone for a few moments. Or, not alone. He was never really alone. Plagg popped out of his bag, followed by Tikki.

"Look, kid, you have to brighten up!" Plagg told him, flying around him like a kid on a sugar rush. Tikki glared at him for his rudeness but did agree.

"Adrien, Ma-" Bubbles floated out of her mouth. Tikki sighed and tried again, "Ladybug wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over this. She needs you to be strong." Adrien looked up and took a deep breath.

"You're right. I need to be strong, for her." Tikki nodded happily, glad that she got through to him. Losing her chosen one was affecting her more than she let on. Adrien opened his mouth to say something more, but voices began to approach the door. The class was about to start.

Tikki and Plagg flew into his bag as soon as the door opened. Adrien looked over to see everyone pile into the classroom, sitting down at their individual seats. Lila milled in, talking with Rose and Alix about something, probably her saving a child's life. Adrien didn't care to listen, done with her bullshit. 

Nino walked in last, sliding into his seat next to Adrien's.

"Hey, dude," he clapped a hand on Adrien's shoulder and Adrien gave a small smile.

"Hey." 

Nino looked behind them, where Marinette and Alya usually sat - but they were now both empty. He turned back, eyebrows furrowed.

"Do you know where Marinette and Alya are?" he asked. Adrien shook his head, he didn't know where Marinette was, but he did know where Alya was, her parents were letting her stay home because of what happened this morning. He didn't say anything about it because Alya deserved her privacy, not everyone needed to know what happened that morning with Ladybug. Anger curled in his stomach as he realized that Alya must have known about Ladybug's secret identity to be there. 

"Hello, class." Mme. Bustier spoke as she entered the classroom, expression a little sad and frantic. Adrien didn't know one could have those two emotions at the same time. 

Mme. Bustier cleared her throat, standing in the center of the front of the classroom. Her hands clutched the folders in her hands tightly and Adrien furrowed his eyebrows.

"Before we start class today, I have an announcement." The students watched silently, confused. It was strange to see their beloved teacher acting so strangely. Mme. Bustier took a deep breath before continuing.

"There was an incident this morning involving Marinette." Whispers started up again, everyone looking to Marinette's empty seat. Mme. Bustier followed their gaze. 

"She is now in hospital. We don't know if she's going to make it, but I will try to keep you updated." Adrien felt sick and Rose started to cry in the back corner. Ladybug and Marinette both injured in the same morning.

"What happened to her?" Kim asked. Mme. Bustier sighed like she was hoping that they wouldn't ask that question.

"She attempted to throw herself off the Eiffel Tower." Adrien's ears started to ring. His head started to throb. Bile rose in his throat. Marinette and Ladybug. Two separate people?

No -

No -

No- 

No-

_NO-_

He had, he had _seen them. _Marinette was Multimouse. Ladybug was Marinette. Ladybug was Multimouse but Multimouse was Marinette but she was Ladybug but 

_Marinette and Ladybug had tried to kill herself._

"Adrien?" Nino asked, his voice muffled, "Dude are you alright-"  
  


With a lunge, Adrien went to the trashcan, hacking up his breakfast. Marinette and Ladybug and her falling to her death playing an endless loop in his mind. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey, should i do a prequel to what happened before all of this or just continue with the story, lmk in the comments!
> 
> im also thinking of just making a prequel book. again - lmk :)

Everything was white. Which made her think that she was dead, but if she was dead she would be able to open her eyes and everything wouldn't hurt so much. Even behind her eyelids, the white was blinding, making her eyes scrunch up and her hands clench.

Why was it so fucking _bright? _

Marinette didn't get her answer before she fell back into a restless sleep. 

* * *

Alya rolled over, now laying on her stomach. Her left cheek rested on her pillow, the cloth damp. She thought it was a trope that one could cry until their pillow was soaked, but it was true. But she was too exhausted now, her eyes red but dried.

(she didn't know if that was a good thing or not)

Sadness and pain and something _else_, ugly and dark and hateful, coiled around in her stomach, slithering up to her chest and staying there. Making it hard to breathe, to think, to find a small glimmer of 'this doesn't all fucking suck' in the pitiful expanse of her bedroom. 

And despite her being up since the early hours of the morning and running to and up the Eiffel Tower, Alya couldn't sleep. So she laid in silence, occasionally rolling onto her back, then her side, and then her other side, and finally her stomach. Before going back to laying on her back again. 

Her phone buzzed on her nightstand. Alya rolled over, left arm flopping and grabbing it - the screen way too bright. 

/From: Nino/

_Any updates on Marinette yet?_

Alya sighed and responded:

/From: Alya/

_No, nothing yet. How's school?_

She only had to wait a moment before Nino texted back. 

/From: Nino/

_Fucking terrible, Mme. Bustier told the class about Marinette and now everyone's talking bout it. Adrien puked._

Anger clenched her jaw, for once in her high school career, she hated Mme. Bustier. 

/From: Nino/

_How are you feeling?_

/From: Alya/

_I'm just, vibing right now. In sadness, mourning my best friend who isn't even dead. Is it okay to be angry?_

Anger is what Alya identified as the dark and twisted thing coiling around with her pain. She was angry at herself, at her parents, at Nino, at the world.

(she was angry at Marinette. angry that she left her. angry that she made Alya try to save her)

/From: Nino/

_Yes, you are allowed to be angry._

/From: Alya/

_Good._

* * *

It was the smell that hit her first this time. It was harsh and pungent. Marinette didn't like it very much. 

She liked other smells better. Like cookies, yes cookies were good. Or glue and fabric. She thinks that those smells are good too. Geraniums are nice too, but she didn't know why she liked them so much.

(she didn't know that geraniums attracted ladybugs. that she used to grow them on her balcony and watch the city as she watered them. she didn't know that the geraniums on her balcony were dead)

And if she liked those smells, why was she smelling this terrible thing?

Why did it smell like _bleach-_

* * *

Adrien sat in the nurse's office on a cold plastic chair. A trash can sat in front of him -

_"In case you have to throw up again," _the nurse had said, patting him on the head before heading to her desk. So Adrien sat in silence, staring at the cracked paint in front of him. 

He didn't feel sad. He didn't feel angry. He didn't feel upset. He didn't feel _anything. _

(maybe it was because he was repressing his feelings, maybe he was too tired, maybe he didn't care -

)

And he didn't feel anything when the nurse told him that his father was not going to pick him up and he had to head back to class.

* * *

She was breathing through a tube. It went up to her nose and down into her lungs. Marinette didn't like that very much. 

(how could she have known that this would be the outcome?)

She didn't like where she was, wherever that was. 

Her ears felt weird. Why did they feel weird?  
  


(how could she know that she lost something? that she gave it up?)

Marinette hoped she would have the answers soon. She liked having an answer and then holding it over a certain cat-

(why would she think of a cat? how did that have to do with anything? 

and did why that make her heart ache so badly?)


	4. Chapter 4

Marinette was in a coma for a week. 

_For a fucking week. _

Mme. and M. Dupain-Cheng said that the doctors saw brief moments of brain activity, and that was it. 

But she was waking up soon. 

She would be okay soon.

And Alya was happy, she was so 

(terrified of facing Marinette again. of telling her what happened. of never seeing her the same way again)

excited. 

* * *

Chat was flying. He was leaping. He was bounding. He was _free. _

He heard a scream and he turned, facing the Eiffel Tower. The top was shining with a golden light, shooting through the dark sky.

Ladybug was falling, her arms reached above her. And his feet wouldn't move.

Chat tried to move, his gaze unable to tear away from Ladybug's fall. It was slowed and he would be able to get there in time -

(but he wouldn't be, because he couldn't save her, he wasn't able to save her.)

his feet wouldn't move. No matter how much he tried and begged, he couldn't move. His feet glued to the rooftop he was standing on.

Finally, she reached the ground, and his feet unstuck.

Chat ran to Ladybug, falling to his knees next to her body.

"No, no, no," he cried, grabbing her head in his hands.

(his hands were covered in her blood, running down his palms, surrounding him, drowning him)

Ladybug's eyes were closed, her blood the same color as her suit. But it flickered, it flickered to Marinette. Her clothes soaked in her own blood, her limbs bent at unnatural angles. It flickered between Ladybug and Marinette as Chat sobbed. 

"I'm so sorry," he sobbed. 

(and he was. he was terribly sorry, but sorry wouldn't bring her back. she was gone in his dream. but in real life, she wasn't. she was - )

* * *

alive. We couldn't thank you enough." Alya nodded with unshed tears in her eyes. Mme. Cheng wrapped her up in a hug, surrounding her with warmth despite being considerately shorter. 

Alya drew away from the hug and wiped her eyes. She took a deep breath and looked at the Dupain-Cheng couple.

"Why don't you go get something to eat? I'll stay with Marinette." Alya tucked her hands in her pockets and the couple exchanged a few looks.

They looked, to put it lightly, like shit. Large eyebags, rumpled clothes, and messy hair showed most of their emotions, and Alya knew that Marinette would not feel better with her parents looking like _that._

"I'll call you if anything changes," Alya promised. She looked back at Marinette, who was sleeping peacefully.

(it looked peaceful, but it wasn't. it wasn't peaceful because she knew the truth behind the white walls and clean bedsheets)

Mme. and M. Dupain-Cheng nodded and gave her one last hug before walking out of the room, probably going to get something quick to eat before returning as soon as possible. That was okay with Alya. Marinette was their daughter.

(and her best friend, but that wasn't enough for Marinette. _Alya_ wasn't enough for Marinette) 

(Alya felt terrible for thinking that, but that didn't mean it wasn't true)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is really short - sorry :(


	5. Chapter 5

Adrien woke with a yell, a name on the tip of his tongue, but not yet made its way past his lips. Instead, bile did.

He ran to the bathroom and fell in front of the toilet, his dinner finding its way at the bottom of the bowl.

(just like last week, when he puked up his breakfast. just like the day when he saved Ladybug from falling to her death and then finding out it was Marinette)

He stood up, legs shaky and flushed the toilet.

Plagg and Tikki appeared, their large eyes fearful and worried. Adrien walked past them to the sink and turned on the faucet.

The water was hot,

(just like her blood, the blood that he could feel through his leather gloves, covering him, surrounding him, drowning him)

so he turned it cooler and started to wash his hands.

(oh, her head laid in his lap, her dark hair matted and face pale. the dead doesn't look that beautiful)

Adrien didn't realize that he was crying until a drop reached his lips, covering them with salty tears.

He continued to wash. To get

(the blood off, oh how it covered his hands, running the white marble red. he couldn't get the blood off, _her _blood off. it stained his hands, staying under his fingernails and tattooing his very soul )

everything off - he couldn't afford to get sick. Father would kill him if he had to cancel any photoshoots. So Adrien continued to wash his hands until his fingers turned pruney and he was sure that the water wouldn't run red. 

* * *

As Marinette slept, Alya scrolled through her phone. She flipped through her photos and videos, searching for something that could cheer her up.

_"Come on Alya! Stop it!" _Marinette squealed from the phone, her voice light and happy. Alya paused, watching the video. 

_"Girl, you have it bad." _Alya's video-self said, chuckling lightly. The video Marinette groaned. _"You always do this, let's just go get some food!" _she pleaded, but alas, it was pointless. 

_"Nope!" _The Alya in the video sung, _"You have to tell him sooner or later that you're basically in love with him-" _

Alya turned off her phone, eyes brimming with tears.

The video was time-stamped as a week ago. 

(oh how could so much change in a week?)

Someone knocked on the door and Alya quickly wiped away the tears before they fell. She looked up, expecting to see the Dupain-Cheng, but instead seeing Adrien standing in the doorway. He rubbed his feet against the ground, gaze flickering to Marinette's sleeping form. 

(did Marinette change in his eyes as well? will he ever be able to love her back? 

did Marinette even love him?)

"Hey," he said. 

"Hi," she responded. 

(what could they say? is there anything that could help the situation that they were in? or were they stuck, stuck in the terrible loop of their friend trying to kill herself?)

Adrien cleared his throat and scratched at his hand, "Do they know when she's going to wake up?"

Alya shook her head and he sighed. Adrien's phone started to ring.

He picked it up and spoke quietly, as if not to disturb Marinette.

(could Marinette even hear? did she hear their pleads?)

He tucked his phone away - assumingly because he finished speaking to whomever he was speaking to. 

"Nathalie's waiting for me downstairs. If she wakes up-" Adrien fell silent. 

(what could Alya say? there was nothing that could redo everything over again)

"I know," was all she said. Adrien gave her a tight-lipped smile and left the doorway, leaving Alya alone again. 

(loneliness seems fitting for her)

* * *

People say that pain can hit one like a truck. Marinette thought it was like a drizzle. Stinging at one's arms and legs before settling in, filling one's bones with chill and leaving the skin buzzing and thudding with pain. One's lungs filling up with blood.

But it wasn't blood, it was only air.

(it was once blood, as Chat couldn't stop a punctured lung - not that she knew that)

Memories were like a drizzle too, stinging her head before nestling in her brain. They buzzed around like bees, only giving her bits and pieces.

_Running and jumping_

_Cat ears_

_Paris at night_

_The smells of fresh bread_

_Ladybugs_

(ladybugs filled her memories, fluttering around in the background. their red and black wings beating rapidly as they buzzed around)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short one - sorry


	6. Chapter 6

Alya returned to school. 

It wasn’t her choice,

(was anything her choice? or was she fated to be holding her best friend’s hand through the bars as she begged for death?)

but her parents insisted. 

_You need a sense of normalcy, _they had told her, _you don’t want Marinette to wake up to see you so troubled._

(but Alya knew that Marinette simply didn’t want to wake up) 

So two weeks after that day, Alya stood in front of the steps that led up to school. 

Her hands fisted the straps of her backpack, and she climbed the steps.

(did something in this building push Marinette? or was it inside her all along?)

She walked to her classroom as if everything was normal. As if when she pushed the door open, nothing would have changed.

(but everything did. but no one asked Alya, she never asked Alya)

The seats were changed. That was the first thing that caught her eye. Lila and Adrien sat in front of Alya’s seat, Nino now sitting in Marinette’s.

That’s not right. No one should sit in Marinette’s seat. That is for Marinette. 

Because Marinette was coming back.

She had to be.

(but there’s no way to confirm it, why can’t there be a way to confirm it?)

But Alya sat silently, glaring at the back of Lila’s head. She didn’t ask Nino why everything changed. She knew why. 

Maybe Marinette wasn’t crazy. Maybe she wasn’t jealous.

(because in the end, she was so sad about it. it was like she was begging Alya)

But she sat, staring blankly at the board as Mme. Bustier taught. And then she went to her next class, and then lunch, and then the class after that. Finally, the day has ended.

Alya stood, after all, she didn’t unpack her things so there was no reason to pack anything up. 

Rose stopped her. 

“Hey,” she said - her voice quiet.

”Hi,” Alya responded.

(the situation has happened before, where they stood in silence because there is nothing to say. why can’t there be something to say?)

”We were all thinking,” Rose started, looking all around to see if anyone would chime in, but no one did, 

(why would you? why would you align with talking to the girl who’s best friend just tried to kill herself?)

so she continued alone, “that it might be fun to throw a welcome back party for Marinette.” 

Everyone who wasn’t watching now was.

(the most entertaining person in the world to people is a dead one)

Alya nodded slowly, “That sounds...

(terrible, awful, the worst idea imaginable, like that won’t make Marinette spiral out of control when she sees that.

  
But what does Alya know? she didn’t know when Marinette attempted to throw herself off the Eiffel Tower.)

wonderful.” 

Rose smiled widely, “Yay!” 

She pulled out a folder crammed with various papers, holding it out to Alya.

”So I was doing some planning-“ 

“That’s a lot of planning,” Alix snorted from her seat. 

“- and I was thinking that we did a Ladybug themed party!” Alya took the folder and flipped through it, not noticing the way Adrien stiffened on his way out of the classroom. 

“Why a Ladybug themed party?” Alya asked, closing the folder. 

“Because she’s our everyday Ladybug!”   
Alya now noticed that Adrien stiffened, but said nothing.

“Sure that sounds...

(terrible

but what the hell did she know?)

great.”

* * *

Adrien walked out of the classroom as soon as Alya agreed with the party.

He should stop it, go back in there and tell them they can't do a Ladybug themed party 

(but what will he tell them?) 

so he continued down the hallway.

"Oh, Adrien!" A feminine voice called out behind him. It was Lila. 

She jogged up to him, not noticing the way that his hand tightened on the strap of his bag.

(was it Lila who pushed Marinette? was it his fault she was pushed?)

"Hi," he said. 

"So I was thinking," Lila placed her hand on his shoulder, "that we could go to Marinette's party together!" Her eyelashes fluttered.

(like the wings of a ladybug)

Adrien shook his head, stepping out of her grasp. 

"I don't think that's appropriate," he explained in as few words as he could. 

(every time he looked at her he was back in that moment, staring at Marinette fall to her death)

"Oh," was all she said. Tears formed in her eyes. "I understand." 

Her lips pressed into a thin line before she turned and went back into the classroom, and Adrien continued his way out of the school.

He walked down the metal stairs by the locker rooms

("Are you going to tell on her again?" Adrien had something close to that, he couldn't remember.

"Yes! She's lying to all our friends!" Marinette had argued, her eyes angry.

"If she gets in trouble, let it be her own fault."

Did he say something like that? He couldn't remember, all he could remember was Marinette's anger)

and stopped, his hand on the railing. He looked back at the spot he had talked to Marinette and back to the doors. He could see the gray car from where he stood. 

But, he couldn't go there. A cavern had opened up in his chest and he needed to fill it, with _something. _

So Adrien turned and ran into the locker rooms, though Chat Noir exited. 

* * *

Marinette wrinkled her nose, but it was strange because it hurt.

(she didn't remember that the last time she'd done it was in response to a joke her partner told her) 

So she relaxed her face and searched her memories for what had happened.

Was it an akuma?-

(but she didn't remember what an akuma was)

So Marinette settled for waiting and thinking of something peaceful. 

She didn't remember what was peaceful, so instead, she thought of ladybugs. Yes, the ladybugs were nice. 

So Marinette thought of ladybugs instead of the growing dread that climbed her arms and settled in her chest. Or the ways her ears itched. Those things weren't very peaceful.

(but what she didn't realize that what she was imagining was death: as she couldn't remember anything but ladybugs and peace)

* * *

Chat Noir jumped onto the roof of the school and ran to the edge. His gaze immediately swept the surrounding streets, looking for something.

"Ah-ha," Chat grinned before jumping across to the rooftops to reach the Dupain-Cheng bakery. 

(sweets can be bitter too)

He dropped in on Marinette's balcony, eying the dead plants in pots all crowded by the railing. 

Chat frowned and grabbed a crumbling leaf with his clawed fingers, even then - he found some irony. 

"Geraniums," he chuckled, "attract ladybugs." 

They had learned about it in biology when speaking about the bee crisis, and he remembers Marinette being more interested in the ladybugs. 

He remembers a lot about Marinette. The way she switched over to be vegetarian a month after he met her, how in the winter she'd get really sleepy and cold even with the heat on full blast, how in the summer she'd flit around - unable to sit still. 

(everyone forgets the negative when a person might die)

Chat Noir watched the leaf crumble in his claws before turning and spotting the trap door. He opened it and climbed down, wanting to surround himself with some positive memories for a little while. 

Her room was amazing and so pretty to the eye. He simply walked around, running his hand over her designs and creations - as well as her dresser, desk, bed, etc. He wanted to drink in her essence that was rapidly fading from her room. 

It was strange sure - but he was coping. So he looked around for a bit before returning to the balcony. 

He sat on the chair that faced the city and thought of Marinette.

(was she sitting where he was when she got the idea? did she look at the night lights and decide it was too much?)

Eventually, he left. 

(sometimes memories are too much to bear, so people separate themselves to recover. the truth is always difficult)

* * *

Alya's phone rang in the middle of class. 

Mme. Bustier stopped her lesson and looked over as Alya scrambled for her phone.

"I'm so sorry Mme-" Alya started.

"Who is it?" Kim had cut her off. Alya checked the caller i.d. It read: Mme. Cheng.

"It's Marinette's mom." No one said anything after that as Alya ran out of the classroom to take it.

(no one cares about anything else when the girl in the hospital has news: good or bad. Alya doesn't know how to feel about that)

"Hello?" Alya asked into the phone, her eyes darting around as she looked back into the window of the classroom. Everyone was watching her.

"Alya?" Mme. Cheng asked.

"Yeah, it's me," Alya confirmed, her foot began to tap against the ground.

"Marinette's waking up, she-" Alya interrupted her.

"I'll be right there," and she hung up. She ran back inside the classroom and grabbed her bag before running back out, not giving an explanation.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette wakes up.

Marinette blinked awake, groaning softly. Her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton and her eyelids weighed two tons. The brightness wasn't helping.

She was able to turn her head, first to the left, where she saw a heart monitor and window showing a white hallway, and then to the right, where she saw her parents sitting. They scared her, but due to the fact she's knew felt so weak before in her life, it didn't show. Her mother's hand rested on Marinette's right hand, the one covered in a cast. Her father's arm was resting on her mother's shoulders. They spoke quietly.

"Hi honey," her mother started,

(it would take a while for her to call her mother "Maman" again)

"How are you feeling?" her father asked.

(it would take a while for him to become "Papa" as well)

Marinette frowned, she didn't know how she was feeling. She didn't know what happened. 

"I- I don't know," was what she said, her voice raspy and quiet. 

(she didn't speak a lot before _it _happened)

Her parents exchanged looks. 

"Do you know what happened?" Her mother asked. Marinette stared at them for a moment before the cotton in her head cleared enough to remember a moment.

> _She was standing, her hands grasping the metal railing behind her. Down below was the concrete, all she had to do was let go. Her hands were shaking, though she was unaware if it was from the cold or something else. Her whole body was shaking actually, her cheeks so numb she didn't realize that her tears were streaming down her face. _
> 
> _The elevator dinged behind her, and Marinette turned her head just in time to see Alya run to her, yelling for her to stop. But the broken fragments of her mind became to much, digging to the sides of her head and making her body becoming to weighted to hold up anymore. She looked at Alya was fell backwards. _

Marinette took a deep breath, a headache forming in between her eyes. 

"Yes, I remember." Marinette looked in front of her, a dingy T.V. sat on the wall. She prayed that it would burst open, causing someone to come in and stop the awfulness of what was happening. 

"I'm sorry," she said with a shaky breath.

(but she didn't know if she was sorry for doing it or sorry that it failed)

"Marinette," her mother said, her fingers curling around the cast, "we forgive you, and we love you." 

Marinette blinked, something clogging her throat. 

"I love you too." 

(she didn't know if she was capable of love)

* * *

Alya ran down the stairs, the sound of her sneakers meeting metal creating an echo in the empty courtyard. She didn't care - her parents would understand. Marinette was _awake._

(but she still felt anger, it twisting around her body, burning everything it touched. Nino said it was okay to be angry - and Alya prayed that was true)

She raced to the hospital, that laid quite a few blocks away. The streets were empty as it was still the middle of the day. 

With the countless work out from chasing Ladybug and Chat Noir, Alya was in good shape. However, she was still out of breath and sweating when she arrived at the hospital. Her shirt stuck to her lower back and she wiped her forehead, she needed a shower. 

(could she use that as an excuse to not see Marinette?)

Alya walked up to the front counter, where a man was sitting. He wrinkled his nose when he saw her and Alya bit her lip. 

"Um, I'm here to see Marinette Dupain-Cheng?" She said, wincing at how weak her voice sounded. Rena Rouge and the Creator of the Ladyblog weren't _weak._

(but Alya was - as everyone knows, masks helped to hide it)

The man looked over her once more before clicking on to his computer. After a moment of only clicking through whatever he was doing on his computer and Alya tapping her fingers against the counter, the man turned to face her.

"Family only at this time." Alya blanched. She'd come all this way for nothing?

(but a faint glimmer of relief set its self deep in her gut, making guilt rise up her throat)

"I'm her-" Alya paused, her mind blank, "I'm her cousin." 

The man looked her over once more. Probably noticing how Alya was black and Marinette was Chinese. 

"Extended," She tried to explain. The man turned back to the computer, pulling his gaze away from her.

"Immediate family only," he clarified and Alya sighed.

"When are her visiting hours?" The man clicked on his computer a few times before answering.

"Next Tuesday." Alya nodded and turned around, exiting the hospital.

"Fuck," she muttered and 

(the glimmer of relief grew bigger)

she checked her phone. The school ended while she was at the hospital. So she headed home, 

(guilt choking her while relief slithered around, anger around there somewhere)

looking back at the hospital once last time. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the wait. The isolation forced me to confront a lot of my demons and it hasn't been easy, I finally felt motivation for the first time in weeks to do something and so here I am. 
> 
> Also! I need a little help. Next chapter Marinette has to make a choice. Here are the million-dollar questions:
> 
> should she reveal herself to Alya as Ladybug?
> 
> should chat noir visit marinette in the hospital or wait until shes discharged?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chat Noir sneaks in to talk to Marinette, and confront his own demons. 
> 
> Super angsty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for everyone who commented and gave their suggestions - y'alls support means the world to me and it is literally the only reason I have the motivation to write. enjoy the chapter! :)

Soon after Marinette woke up, she fell asleep again. 

_This is normal, _the doctors explained to M. and Mme. Dupain-Cheng. _Her body is still weak and healing._

So, Marinette slept through the rest of the day, and most of the next day too. She no longer needed an oxygen mask to breathe properly, and that relieved her parents to no end, it was hard to believe she was getting better if she couldn't breathe. 

When she woke, the ravenette spoke to her parents with hushed voices, if she spoke at all. 

(it was if something blocked her throat, making her feel like she couldn't speak even if she used all her energy.

it was one of the worst feelings in the world)

But her parents stayed optimistic. They brought her books and magazines and messages from her friends. Visiting hours didn't open until next Tuesday, which was 6 days away, so Marinette was alone with her parents most of the time. 

They played cards, charades, watched movies and did a lot of things that Marinette hasn't done since she was little. She still didn't speak, but she smiled and laughed, and her eyes crinkled like they used to. Her parents were ecstatic. 

But when her mother and father went home for the night

(as Marinette already felt guilty before realizing her parents slept there, on the uncomfortable chairs sitting next to her bed)

her smile faded and her eyes went uncrinkled. She felt worse than she did before her parents came. 

(funny thing, happiness is. one can swing back and forth from happy to depressed in a manner of seconds - with no way to tell when one's smile would turn into tears)

During the night, Marinette sat. Her body felt weighted with something she had no choice in holding. So she sat, and she stared at the wall in front of her. Only when rays of light broke through the window did she fall into sleep, only to wait up hours later and do the whole thing over again.

(the laughing and smiling, then pain and silence. Marinette felt it was a good punishment for what she did)

* * *

While Marinette was gaining her strength in the hospital, Alya went to school.

She climbed the steps, did her work, ate, and then came home again. Mercifully, Hawkmoth's seem to have taken a rain check, as Alya wasn't sure she had the strength to run after the Akumas at the moment. 

Ladybug has seemed to vanish off the face of the Earth as well, not appearing during patrols with Chat Noir anymore. 

_My lady's just a little busy,_ Chat has said. _But don't you worry, Chat Noir can protect you all!_

God, Alya hoped so. 

But she did her work silently and stayed out of everyone's way. 

(6 days until seeing Marinette)

Everyone else was planning Marinette's party for when she returned, which Mme. Cheng has told Alya to be in a couple of weeks. Everyone had a job to do, Alya's was the banner and party hats. They were to be Ladybug-themed, of course, so she was prepared to be covered in red and black paint for the next few weeks.

(but why did she feel an ache deep in her gut when thinking of the party? was the theme a good idea?)

Adrien didn't seem to like the idea of the party, his lips pressed into a thin line whenever someone brought it up. Not that Alya's said anything. She just stayed in her lane.

(because maybe if she didn't push Marinette to talk with Adrien with her feelings all the time, she would be still sitting next to the raven-haired girl)

* * *

Adrien couldn't sleep. 

Or, more accurately, Adrien couldn't sleep without waking up again a few hours later from the feeling of Marinette's blood covering his hands.

(scrub, scrub, scrub. scrub the feeling of her blood from your fingertips, or they'll be stained for eternity)

So he did his homework for the rest of the week and played video games for most of the night. Energy drinks made up most of his diet, cans of the caffeinated drinks littering his bedroom. 

(why sleep and see your friend fall to her death when you can feel like a bad-ass while beating someone in an online match?)

* * *

Plagg and Tikki were worried, rightfully so. 

Adrien wasn't behaving like his normal self, preferring to be alone in his room rather than out in the world like he used to.

(but how could they understand that the outside world reminded him of _her,_ and he didn't want to be reminded of her. he wanted to be normal)

But they waited, they bided their time. Adrien slowly got worst and worst, not acknowledging that the proclaimed love of his life was in the hospital. That his friend wasn't in the hospital. So they finally agreed it was time.

"Adrien," Tikki started, flying in front of him while he was playing a match on his tv. 

"Yeah?" Adrien asked, twisting his body so he could see past Tikki. His brow was furrowed as he played.

"You-" Tikki attempted to speak, but was interrupted by Adrien as he let out a large "Yes!" as he won the match he was playing. Plagg groaned and flew up, knocking down Adrien's controller. It hit the ground and his batteries fell out, one rolling under the couch. Adrien looked up to them with confusion.

"You need to go see Marinette," Plagg told him bluntly. Tikki glared at him, as their plan was to introduce him to the idea _slowly. _

"I can't go see Marinette," Adrien said. "I have photoshoots all next week and Marinette's visiting hours aren't even open until Tuesday and-"

"Not as Adrien," Plagg interrupted. "You need to go see her as Chat Noir." Plagg's voice was unusually soft.

"Why?" The blond asked. Tikki sighed and flew up closer to him.

"You've been repressing your feelings, Adrien. You haven't once confronted the fact that Marinette is Ladybug," she said, her big eyes soft. 

Adrien got up and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes.

(Tikki and Plagg didn't know the guilt that curled up in Adrien's chest, squeezing his lungs so he couldn't seem to breathe.

_God why couldn't he BREATHE?)_

"I can't!" He yelled, voice thick with tears, "I can't go there and face her! I failed her." His last sentence was almost a whisper, his hands dropping to his sides. 

Tikki wiped her eyes as well before flying up and grabbing on his hands in both of hers. It was a small attempt at comfort.

"I know," she said, her voice so quiet, Adrien had to strain to hear it. "I feel like I failed her too. I caught her-" Tikki broke off in a choked cry and didn't continue, but Adrien caught the message nevertheless. He looked up to Plagg, who was just floating there with his ears flatten against his head.

"I'll- I'll try," Adrien said, "Plagg, Claws Out."

* * *

Marinette was staring at her wall when something tapped her window. 

She looked over to see a pair of glowing green eyes and blond hair. Something crawled up her throat and threatened to choke her, and Marinette wished for nothing more than him to think she was asleep and go away, but she knew he had night vision and could see her very clearly. 

So she stood up on wobbly legs and stumbled over to the window. They had it installed a certain way so that Marinette wouldn't be able to fall out of it, but Chat was able to wiggle his way through the small opening. 

Marinette didn't say anything to him, instead turning around and walking back to her bed, winded from only that small feat. She sat and pushed herself back so her back was against the pillows. The raven-haired girl watched Chat as he walked over and sat across from her, his legs crossed.

"So you know," she mused, her voice quiet. 

(she didn't see him cringe at the sound of her voice, it raspy and different from what it once was)

(he didn't know that she hasn't spoken since she told her parents that she loved them)

He nodded, "Yeah I know."

Marinette stared at the shape of Chat, most of his form hidden by the darkness. Only his hair and eyes seemed to be bright enough to study. 

"You know I can't be Ladybug anymore," she said.

(Chat did know that, but it didn't stop the choking feeling he got when she said it)

"Why?" He choked out, his clawed fingers clutching his knees so hard that it would have drawn blood if he was not in his suit. Marinette just stared at him for another moment.

"Why I can't be Ladybug, or why I did it?" She asked, and Chat didn't like how _calm _she looked. 

(Chat didn't know that she wasn't calm, she was just numb)

"Both," his voice was reduced to a whisper. Marinette nodded and threaded her fingers together in front of her, setting her hands on her lap.

"If the other knows your identity, you have to give the miraculous up, you know that." Chat did know that. "And for the other part, I-" Marinette stumbled for the first time since they began speaking. She took a deep breath and blinked away any tears that threatened to come.

"It was too much for me. My personal life wasn't the best and being Ladybug just made me," Marinette paused as if thinking of the words, "It made me feel like I'd never be anything more than Ladybug, the superhero," her voice then got quieter if that was possible. "Everyone seemed to want Ladybug, and no one seemed to want Marinette."

If Chat saw the tears that glimmered in her eyes and the way her throat became choked with tears, he said nothing.

"Marinette," he started, his ears pressed flat against his head, "I have to know. Did I play any part in your decision?" Marinette looked up at the dark figure that was her partner and saw the way his eyes searched hers for a semblance of an answer. 

(she didn't know if it was the way that Lila affected her or the feeling that she had to get the truth off her chest, but Marinette knew she couldn't lie to him)

"Yes," she said, voice successfully back to being raspy and quiet and no longer thick with tears. "Chat, we were supposed to be _partners. _And I needed you." Chat stared with her with an expression hidden in the darkness. "I felt like no matter how many times I needed you as a friend, you were pushing to be something more. And I couldn't handle myself, much less being something other than friends. I felt like I couldn't-" Marinette paused taking a shuddering breath, her gaze strictly on her hands in her lap, "I felt like I couldn't _trust you._" 

(Chat felt like he was stabbed in the chest, he has been apart of the reasons Marinette jumped. it was _his fault_.

guilt curled up in his chest, making it harder to breathe)

(Marinette felt sad and relieved, as once she spoke she could not quite stop)

Chat held his head in his hands, whimpering softly. 

"I'm so sorry Marinette," he said, his voice muffled by his hands. "I am a terrible person."

(she didn't assure him that it was okay because it wasn't, it wasn't okay

nothing was okay when two kids sat on a hospital bed in the middle of the night)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i swear i need like a beta reader or something, i am not proud of this chapter at all, but i hope it was angsty enough for all of yall :)
> 
> also mini-rant:  
no one says anything about chat's low-key "nice guy" act and it pisses me the fuck off. i love chat as a character, but i can't deal with how he treats ladybug. he just- ugh. the writers did not write him well AT ALL.
> 
> EDIT:  
I know that Marinette is not blameless. Her character of being the "sweet, shy" girl was not put into action well at all, and her stalkerish behavior is awful, but as Chat/Adrien doesn't know about said behavior, it couldn't be talked about with this chapter. it will be talked about soon with Alya, as its obvious, she's been building up to explode soon.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was Tuesday. A whole load of shit is going to go down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the wait, I hope y'all enjoy. Also, my writing style might have changed a bit bc as I get more upset and depressed my writing seems to speak to the reader more if that makes sense.

It was a normal day in Paris, that Tuesday. There was no Akuma attack 

(as there has not been for a while, not since Ladybug has disappeared and Hawkmoth seemed to find that without Ladybug, it was not worth the trouble, 

or the author was too tired to write that shit)

and the air was warm. Yes, it was an extremely normal day, but not for Alya. Alya had woken up - if one could call falling into light sleep considering only faint breathing and closed eyes when dawn had finally broken _sleeping_ \- covered in sweat and filled to the brim with overwhelming _fear_. Fear was not in Alya's vocabulary. Fear was something that six-year-old children felt when they watched a scary movie, fear was not something that Alya felt.

(but she did feel it. she felt it because she was scared and fearful and terrified and many other synonyms for fear, she did because she was seeing Marinette that day and she wasn't ready

god, she wasn't ready)

But Alya got up and got dressed, conveniently avoiding the way her hands trembled and she could not button her pants for a solid minute, before brushing her hair and pulling it back into a ponytail. It was off to school and then to the hospital, where she would say hi to Marinette, and Marinette would say hi back and they'd stand in uncomfortable silence because they forgot that they were best friends. they would stand there and say nothing because what was there to say?

(what could Alya say to make it all go back to normal. could it go back to normal. would they be doomed to awkward silences until they parted ways, haunted by the looks in each others' eyes in the morning light where Alya clutched Marinette's hand and Marinette didn't want that

no, no

Marinette wanted death. she wanted to die on the concrete and curse Alya to always have the memory burned in her mind, to remember the sweet girl who chose death over Alya on that fateful day at the Eiffel Tower)

There would be nothing to say.

Alya made a piece of toast and grabbed it as soon as it jumped out of the toaster, ignoring the way that it burned her hand and crumbled a bit in her fist. She didn't think she could stomach anything else. Though as soon as she appeared on the sidewalk outside her building, she tossed the crumbled bread for the birds. 

Alya had met Marinette in the eighth grade, on the first day of school actually. She remembers the way the ravenette's eyes glimmered and crinkled when she smiled, how her fingers clutched the delicate macaroon and snapping it in half. The Asian girl was sweet and kind and oh so funny and Alya missed her. She missed the girl who blushed when Adrien just looked at her or glared when Chloe did something rude. 

(has Alya changed too? have her eyes dimmed like Marinette's over the years?)

* * *

Adrien woke up on Tuesday morning looked absolutely wrecked. He's been looking absolutely wrecked ever since that night at the hospital, and he doesn't have the strength to care.

His fingernails have been bitten done to their nubs, his skin red from scratching. Adrien's father has already threatened him multiple times that he wouldn't be able to return to school if he kept his appearance as it was, but Adrien just stood there with a lump in his throat, he just _stood there. _

(stood just like he stood by Marinette, by Ladybug. he stood there and watched as she fell into a pit of despair and never once gave her a hand to help her climb out, not as Adrien or Chat Noir

he's never felt less like a superhero and more like a little kid)

And Marinette was right because he was a dick. He can see that now. He can see it whenever he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep, only to be plagued by the memory of her falling and him not reaching there in time. 

(because he didn't reach her in time, he may have saved her body, but her eyes that night showed that she was long gone. she had fallen long ago and Adrien didn't even notice)

And as much as Adrien hoped that the days would move a little slower, time passed as it usually did. It stopped for no man, no matter how tired and weak and unhappy the man felt. 

(did Marinette feel like this? like every day brought a lump in her throat and clenched fists? or was this only Adrien, was he the only one hunted by his own overthinking, his own thoughts?)

Tuesday finally arrived, and Adrien knew that he had no choice on whether he would go. He had to. Not as Chat Noir, as Marinette said everything she needed to say, but as Adrien. As Marinette's friend. 

Was he her friend? 

No matter how many times he thought it over, it pained Adrien to say that he didn't know.

* * *

"Visiting hours are opening today!" Her maman said brightly as she stepped inside Marinette's hospital room. Her maman looked especially happy that Tuesday morning and Marinette could only guess why. Visiting day. Her friends and classmates would finally be allowed past the front desk and up into the quiet nook that Marinette has remained in for the past few weeks. Her papa had specifically requested that it was family only until Marinette woke from her coma and hooked up to numerous machines. 

Marinette gave them a tight-lipped smile and hoped that they were not able to see how much it pained her. They were unable to see it with all her smiles before the accident, one more couldn't be too hard to slip in, right?  
  


(it was not that she hated her maman and papa, no. she loved them with all her heart. and it wasn't their fault for everything happening. 

but it left a bitter taste in her mouth when she saw them, saw them and remembered those nights in her room, crying. crying and hoping that someone would hear and come up. come up and comfort her and hug her and just let her talk. let her say how Ladybug was killing her, let her say how she felt so hopeless and alone. and her maman and papa would comfort her and tell her that she wasn't alone. but Marinette was alone, she was alone on those nights when she cried.)

Her parents did not seem to notice the way the corners of her mouth lifted only half a centimeter and fell quickly, too busy looking through the games and books they brought. Her sketchbook, the one that she treasured so much when she got it, was crammed under her mattress. Her parents haven't said anything, and Marinette didn't know what they thought was happening. She never touched it around others, it was _hers_. It was hers and she only held it when she was alone. 

Marinette would lean over and search for the weathered edge that stuck out a bit from under the mattress, the side that her parents never sat on because that hand was still in a cast and they didn't want to see that. They wanted to push past everything and not talk about it. 

She would untie the pink ribbon that made sure the book never opened on its own, would thread through the pages like they were made of fine silk. Don't touch, only look. It was a museum. Her fingers would never press against the paper, only lightly skim across the drawings.

Marinette would feel something that seemed to be hidden in the pages, but only a semblance of what the feeling was supposed to be. But when it left, Marinette would be even emptier than before. She would close the book as delicately as she had opened it and tied the ribbon back around the book, cramming it back under the thin mattress. At night she would feel the book pressing against her side, digging into her hip, but she wouldn't find the strength to move it. 

Her parents busied themselves with making the room look presentable

(as if those who came would be occupied with looking around the hospital room and not the girl in the hospital bed. Marinette hoped that could somehow be the case)

Her parents were not as quiet as they believed when they whispered while cleaning. His papa was a large man and thus had a loud voice.

"What time is her class coming?" he whispered to her maman. Marinette's eyes were trained on the tv that was playing a cartoon kid's show that she should not be watching as she was a 16-year-old girl, so when her maman looked over, it seemed she was not listening.

"Alya is coming at 3:30 and the rest of her class at 4." 

Marinette's fingers gripped the sheets tightly but kept her eyes trained on the tv. 

* * *

Alya sat at her desk. Her fingers gripped the wood, picking at the indents. If her nails were as long as they used to be, the desk would be stripped of its outer layer. However, she has bitten down her nails past the point of them impacting anything, so the only thing that was being stripped was the skin on top of her fingers. 

Chatter filled the classroom, as class had ended moments ago. Alya was staring at the chalkboard, hoping, wishing, that their teacher would run back in and start writing on the board once more. 

(the feeling of choking on chalkdust felt better than breathing in fear)

However, Mme. Bustier did not reenter the doorway she just exited from, and Alya was forced to stand and gather her things. Her red fingers picked up the notebook she was writing the notes in - as Alya always preferred the feeling of paper and pen rather than the tablets that they were given - and flipped to the front. However, a drawing caught her eye. It was made with broad strokes, the ink smooth and dark. It was from Marinette's ink pen. 

Alya had given her the pen as a congratulations gift, for winning the contest with her feathered hat. It was made especially for calligraphy, but Alya thought that Marinette would like using it for outlining her clothing designs, and she was right. Marinette adored the pen and carried it everywhere. The drawing was of a cartoon Alya winking out of the notebook. Marinette was a good cartoonist too, her artistic talent reaching farther than design. Alya's fingers trembled as they touched the drawing. She half-expected them to come back stained, the drawing looking like it was drawn that day. 

Suddenly, Alya couldn't breathe. The room was filled with oxygen, people talking, and laughing but she _couldn't breathe. _

_Why couldn't she breathe?_

She dropped the notebook, it falling down the steps and landing in the front of the room. Everything was too loud, too bright, too terrifying. 

_Why couldn't she breathe?_

Her body ached for a breath, for her to grab the air in her hands, in her lungs. But no matter how far she reached for the air, her fingers could only grasp at the hair near her ears, her palms pressing against her skin. She was dying, her brain was failing and she was dying. Her corpse would fall in the middle of the classroom. Her throat seemed to rip at her sobs and cries.

It was bruising and terrible and it was still too loud. Her own sobs couldn't cover the talking and breathing and laughter and footsteps, _it was too loud!_

She couldn't feel the tears streaming down her face or the way her throat ached and cried. She couldn't feel anything but _fear_.

_Why couldn't she breathe?_

* * *

As soon as Alya dropped the notebook, Adrien could see that something was wrong. Alya was not the clumsy one in the friendship, that was Marinette. Alya was the calm, put-together person as well as student. 

The notebook landed at his feet, the page that it was open on was ripped. The cartoon Alya torn down the middle. 

He looked up and saw. Alya was hunched over herself, her hands holding her ears and her hair messy. She shrunk down, trying to make herself as small as possible. The chatter of the other students fell silent. Alya was panting and crying and gasping for breath. Her eyes were squeezed closed. 

Adrien watched as her glasses fell and was almost crushed by her feet as they rearranged themselves, as she rearranged herself to become smaller. 

"Alya?" Rose asked, her voice cracking. Alya didn't seem to have heard her, only letting out a loud sob. Nino ran forward and tried to touch his girlfriend, to figure out what's wrong. Was it an akuma? But as soon as his skin touched hers, she panicked. Her breathing became labored and her body seemed to reconcile from the pressure. Her fingers fisted in her hair and pulled.

Okay, touching was a no-go.

"Somebody go get the nurse!" Adrien instructed, he doesn't think it was an akuma, as he's seen nothing like this. It had to be something else, but no one seemed to know what. Sabrina, who was closest to the door, ran out. Nico attempted to talk to Alya, kneeling by her feet.

"Alya, what's wrong?" His hand tried to touch her foot but she scooted back, hitting the step that separated the desks. She only whimpered and dug her hands deeper into her hair, pressed her palms harder against her ears. 

"Nino," Adrien grabbed his friend's shoulder. "I don't think talking is the best option at the moment." 

Sabrina ran through the classroom door, followed by the nurse. She took one look at Alya whimpering on the floor before instructing that everyone leave. 

The door slammed shut behind them, with only the memory of Alya crying on the classroom floor.

* * *

It was a while before Alya could think clearly again. As soon as the noise faded, it was easier to make sense of her scrambled brain. 

"I'm going to count, when I reach four, I want you to inhale as deeply as you can, okay?" A soft voice drifted through and Alya gave a jerky nod. The voice counted and at four, Alya drew in a breath.   
  


"Now, you need to exhale with me, ready?" The voice exhaled and Alya followed its example. They repeated the action multiple times before she was able to breathe without help. 

"Now, I'm going to rest my hand on your shoulder, is that okay?" Alya nodded. A weathered weight placed itself on her shoulder, its warmth seeping into her bones as well as cooling the fire that was blazing underneath her skin. 

When Alya finally opened her eyes, she was met with the nurse - an older woman with kind eyes - sitting in front of her. The room was empty. 

"What happened?" She asked. 

"You had a panic attack, dear." 

Alya nodded without really understanding what it meant. She rose to her feet, ignoring the way blood rushed back down to the tips of toes and prickled all over. Her hands searched for her bag, slinging it over her shoulders. 

"I -" Alya took a deep breath, finding that she was still suffering the, whatever it was. "I have to go, thank you."

She bounded down the steps and out the classroom door, ignoring the notebook that was open to the ripped page.

Alya exited the classroom door, finding the rest of the students still lingering around the hallway. She wiped her eyes, hoping that no tears remained. 

"Alya!" Nino rose from his spot against the wall. He went in for a hug but Alya just shook her head, she couldn't handle being touched at the moment. Nino's face fell but he didn't push. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," she chuckled, holding one arm in another. "It was a...panic attack." It took a second for Alya to recall the nurse's words. The nurse that seemed to have no exited the classroom yet, or maybe she followed Alya out, she didn't know. 

"Oh, I know those!" Lila bounded up to Alya and wrapped her up in a large hug. Alya froze, the weight of Lila's arms, they were too cold, too much. She stood frozen, focusing on her breathing until Lila pulled away. "I had them a lot overseas, they're nothing, really. You'll be completely fine!" 

Alya just looked at her for a moment. _1, 2, 3, 4, breathe. _Lila was lying, she could tell.

(because no one who had that would be okay. and they were not "nothing". they were terrifying and scary and made her feel like she was dying 

no one would say that they're "nothing")

"Oh, no Lila, that's terrible!" Juleka said, going closer to the girl. The rest - excluding Alya, Nino, and Adrien - followed Juleka followed, cooing over the poor girl.

"It's completely okay! They have like no impact on you whatsoever," Lila claimed. Everyone around them nodded and smiled brightly as if that was wonderful news.

_Good thing Alya! You're not broken and can be completely normal again!_ Their eyes said while their hands reached for a hug. Nino seemed to notice the way that her shoulders hunched and her smile dropped half a centimeter. Alya caught his eye and he nodded and Alya nodded back. Her shoulders fell just a bit. 

Alya pushed past her classmates, 

(her classmates who thought she would be cured, would be fixed, that it would be like nothing ever happened.

like nothing ever happened)

and walked down the stairs and out of the school. Alya desperately wanted to go home, to curl up under her covers, and just lay there, but she told them she would come. She said that she would come and talk to Marinette, and Alya never broke a promise. 

Because when she said: _Best Friends no matter what, _she meant it. 

* * *

Marinette's parents puttered around anxiously as 3:30 drew nearer and nearer. Marinette just sat there, acting blissfully unaware. 

But 3:30 came and went, and her parents grew even more anxious. They spoke in hushed whispers of why Alya was late, of what could have happened. 

Finally, 3:50 came around, and so did Alya. As soon as Alya appeared, her parents apparently needed to speak to the doctors about something and disappeared. 

Alya looked, to be frank, terrible. Her eyes were red and hair knotted in its ponytail. She stood at the edge of Marinette's bed.

(oh how Marinette wished she would look around the room, to not focus on her and them and everything)

"Hi," Alya said.

"Hi," Marinette said back. 

They stood in silence.

"So, how's school?"

"Why?" 

Marinette's eyes burned. 

(she couldn't explain it again, she couldn't say that she was Ladybug and how she felt, it was too hard)

"I don't know," she said. The burning in her eyes got worse and her fingers that were gripping the sheets felt weak. 

"It was a pretty shitty thing to do," Alya said. 

"I know." 

Marinette's eyes went to Alya's wrist, where it was still in a cast, like hers. Alya's gaze followed.

"It," Marinette took a deep breath, "It was hard, Alya. Everything was hard. I felt trapped, and alone, and I had no one to turn to-"  
  


"You had me to turn to!" Alya yelled, her own eyes were brimming with tears. "You had me and your parents! You don't know what it was like, being called by you in the middle of the night and being told that your best friend was going to kill herself!" 

Marinette stayed silent as Alya continued.

"I have been trying to help you since we met! With your creepy endeavors with Adrien! With your schoolwork! I've been trying and you've been the one pushing _me_ away. You made it so you had no one to turn to." 

(and she was right, Marinette was the reason that she had no one to turn to. she'd folded in on herself and left everyone else to pick up the pieces)

"You're right," Marinette said, "You're right and I'm sorry." 

"I'm sorry too." 

* * *

A knocking on the door interrupted their 'talk.' If one could call it that. In the end, Alya felt tired and terrible and sad, but also relieved. She had been carrying the anger and pain for a long time and she was glad to see it go. 

Adrien poked his head through the crack, "Can we come in?" Marinette nodded.

He opened the door fully and he, Nino, and Lila entered.

"Sorry," Adrien said to Marinette. "We can only have four in the room at a time." Marinette nodded. 

Alya looked at Lila with confusion, what was she doing there? Marinette made it very clear that she did not like the Italian girl. She slid next to Nino and whispered to him.

"What is she doing here?" 

Nino shrugged, "She insisted on seeing Marinette first."

The girl in question stood right to Marinette's bed, smiling down at the bed-ridden girl. If Lila had lied about the panic attacks, what else has she lied about?

"If it's alright you all, could I have a few words with Marinette - alone?" Lila asked she batted her eyelashes. Marinette's eyes widened and her gaze sought out Alya. Alya nodded, no matter how angry she was with Marinette, she wouldn't leave her alone. 

"Actually, I don't feel comfortable leaving Marinette's side. I haven't seen her for such a long time," Alya gave a sickly-sweet smile at Lila. She knew that Lila couldn't be upset at such a claim, so she just nodded and took a seat next to Marinette's cast. Alya turned and nodded at Adrien, who seemed to upset with Lila's request as she was. Adrien nodded and exited, Nino following. 

"Oh, can I sign your cast?" Lila asked, already pulling out a blue sharpie from her bag. Without a definite 'yes,' she leaned down close and carefully drew her name in big loopy letters. When it was done, it covered half of the white. Alya could see Marinette's eyes follow the marker, it looping down and around. 

When she was done, Lila popped up and bounded up to Alya. "I couldn't believe it when I heard what happened," she spoke as if Marinette wasn't there. Lila looked back at Marinette in the bed, "But she made such a spectacle of it, it wasn't hard to see it happen." Alya leaned away from her touch and stared at her.

"What does that mean?" 

Lila leaned to Alya once more. _1,2,3, 4 breathe. _"I mean, Marinette's never been good on keeping herself on the down-low." She leaned back and turned to Marinette.

"Nice to see you Marinette! This reminded me of when I visited sick children with Prince Ali! They couldn't stop running and jumping around, they had so much energy!" With a final smile, Lila swept out of the room. Marinette's eyes watched her good before turning back to Alya. Her whole body seemed to deflate. 

"What did she say to you?" Alya asked. 

"Nothing."

"Bullshit, I saw her lips move when she was writing something on your cast." Alya sat next to Marinette, where Lila was previously sitting. 

"Alya, it was nothing."

Alya glared at Marinette, "What did I say about pushing people away?" Marinette sighed.

"It was nothing, I promise. I'm not pushing you away, it was truly nothing." Marinette's eyes pleaded for her to stop and Alya relented her attack.

"Okay," Alya gave a small smile. "I believe you." Marinette gave a small smile back.

* * *

Adrien and Nino reentered the room after Lila exited. They acted like nothing was wrong, which was a blessing and a curse wrapped into one. Marinette smiled and laughed as she did with her parents. It wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. 

Soon, Nino and Adrien left and three more of her classmates entered. Alya stayed by her side the entire time, which was a full blessing, as Alya was able to read Marinette easier than the others and could tell when something hit a little too close to home. The kids filtered in and out, and even Chloe came. She briefly touched Marinette's hand and told her to get better soon before rushing out the door, calling for Sabrina behind her.

Luca even showed up with Juleka. It was nice to see him, even if it was under these circumstances. His way of talking made her feel more relaxed when he left, which was nice. 

Alya just sat next to her, her hand clasping hers. 

Finally, visiting hours came to an end and Alya was forced to leave. Marinette gave a small wave and Alya returned one, and even though there was still a lot to go through and figure out, Marinette felt better than she has in a long time. 

She ignored the way that Lila whispered in her ear when she was writing her name on Marinette's cast. 

_You just made it a lot easier for me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so terribly sorry for the wait. Despite having basically nothing to do for the past few months, I haven't been able to write anything past my own name. COVID has not been kind to my family, and some past medical problems have resurfaced in my mom (from a car crash eight years ago no less) and with the medicine, she's taking, she basically has no immune system. This means I can't go anywhere that other people might be near, which makes it a lot harder to talk to people. This means my anxiety is way worse and I think I might have some issues after all of this is done, just basing my anxiety when I saw a video of a crowded train station. That has not helped my anxiety at all. So a lot of anxiety with this. Also, I have been suffering from some internalized aphobia, which I did not know was a thing, and now my sexuality's very confused and such. And my therapy's been canceled due to money problems (as my mother is a huge breadwinner for our family and you can't really social distance while photographing). Basically, my mental health has been going downhill for a while and I kinda just word-vomited in the notes.
> 
> I'm sorry for that, I honestly don't have the strength to go back and delete it, and I don't really care if anyone reads it bc no one really cares anyway. ANYWAY: its been really hard with writing these past few months, so if anyone's willing to at least beta read, I'll be eternally grateful and I could get updates out a lot faster. 
> 
> And if things seem weird this chapter, I may have written my own issues into text, so tell me if you spot any of that I'll try to edit it out. And Alya's anger and Marinette's reaction for this story is based on my brother telling us what it felt like when he woke up and when people were angry with him, so sorry if it seems out of character for someone who just went through what these characters, again, please let me know.
> 
> Overall, my life is shit and I can't properly write anymore. 
> 
> I do hope that this virus is treating you better than me and that you are all happy, healthy, and safe. :)


End file.
